“You live twice: once in reality, the second time, in memories.” 

Honoré de Balzac

There’s an emptiness inside that little girl. “The little girl inside of you,” I tell myself. She laughs and smiles, but deep inside she’s missing something. These days it’s “the culprit.” The explanation for all issues relational between a woman and a man. That little girl that yearns for the attention. Trust issues at the forefront, but there’s nothing about ME that says lack of self esteem and self worth. These labels placed on women with “Daddy-Issues.” SHE is the reason why. SHE, being my mother.

In what was little known to me at the time my mother held her own. A pillar of strength among the face of adversity. Writing my forthcoming book, “Enough with the Secrets Mama!” was a cathartic experience. It allowed me to see her in a different light. Part of my creative process was going back and looking at photos of old. And in those moments I saw the photos much differently. Within that space, the following piece was born.

I present to you: Picture Worth 1K Words

As if to humor me, someone gave me your picture. They say I have your features. Your smirkish smile, your slanted eyes, your chubby cheeks, and strong demeanor. They say I quite resemble you. Though, I’ll admit. I just don’t see it.

I’d much rather admit to resembling her. She who’s held my hand since I was bold enough to take first

steps. The one who’s dark complexion I revere. Who’s independent and valiant character I admire. SHE. She’s who I’d rather resemble.

Yet, just as we’re drawn to the inevitable, somehow I’m drawn to your picture. There’s so much about you I don’t know. There ARE parts of you that are also parts of ME. I can’t deny it. It’s the genetic makeup that’s hard to defuse. The way my body sways to the sound of trumpeted rhythmic salsa music, the incessant desire to eat greasy fried alcapurrias, or the at-home feeling of a loud Christmas parranda. All these pieces of culture are buried deep inside of me.

Today, I look at that picture. With more questions than answers. I wonder, what could have been if YOU were different. A different man than I’ve learned about in recent years. Less selfish, more selfless. Would I be here today, had you chosen to be better?

Nonetheless, I’m mesmerized. By the picturesque wonders of this picture. Smiles plastered on the faces of celebrators. Surrounded by family, united in the moment, but soon to be torn apart. This picture, a reflection of years lived in reckless abandon. Wishful thinking of a “happy family.” Hearts hanging on by a thread. This. This picture marks the end of an era. An era built on manipulation, lies, and deceit. This. This picture. I hold it in my hands. Knowing, and not knowing. Hoping, and not hoping.

Someone gave me your picture. And now the questions I had have all but dwindled away. Content with the current state of my life I yet and still wonder. What has become of you? Do you have any regrets? Have you loved? Have you healed?

And now, with this picture… I need only establish that you are that. Merely a picture. A reflection of what was and what is no longer. With hopes of what could be? Though, realistically speaking. Who are you?

It’s an interesting concept you see. Sigmund Freud’s “Father Complex” reveals that there are insecurities built with the absence of a father figure. The very insecurities bred by a lack of love and support. However it is clear that we’ve been duped. God promises us and shows us unconditional love far beyond any other. He blessed me with a Father stand-in that came along and held my hand tightly. An angelic figure that maintained an earthly place and showed his grace upon me from the beginning. For him I am grateful.

Nothing has comforted me more in moments of confusion and isolation than the Lord’s word. Like a newborn comforted in its mother’s bosom. And it is in this promise that I stand.

Thank you Joy Skarka for creating a space with the reminders that follow:

If you doubt your earthly dad’s love for you, know that your heavenly Father says you are more precious than rubies; nothing he desires can compare with you (Proverbs 3:15).

If your earthly dad leaves your family or chooses another family, know that your heavenly Father always goes with you, will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

If your earthly father is physically or emotionally abusive, believe that The Lord will deliver you from all afflictions (Psalm 34:19). You are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; you are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).

If your earthly dad fails to live up to his father responsibilities and fails to provide for you, fear not because it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom (Luke 12:32).

Read more of Joy Skarka’s work at https://joyskarka.com/2015/06/daddyissues-unveiled-and-truth-to-set-you-free/#:~:text=If%20your%20earthly%20father%20is,(Ephesians%204%3A32).

As always, I hope this message has encouraged you. To live your life to the best of your ability. To shine brighter each day and be your best self.  Yours truly. – Lin Green